11.22.2008

Up Early, Saturday

The title explains the situation. It's the weekend but I can't sleep in, simply stewing too much on everything to allow sleep to wrap me in its weekend arms. If I step back and view things objectively, I really have an ideal mix of ingredients for the perfect life, yet (as is typical for me) I'm mired in stress about my job, my fitness, my family, my... who knows? Sometimes I can not even identify what I'm grappling against; a disconcerting thought to imagine feeling this way for no reason for the rest of my life.

Nah, there is at least a fleck of reason for my uneasiness. The ol' dream job I've bragged about in this very blog has shed roughly 70% of its workforce. Start up company that experienced meteoric growth then scaled back down when the cosmic explosion vacuumed in on itself. From an engineer's humble viewpoint, it looks like there are too many cooks in the kitchen, as they say, too many creatives at the top chiming in on what to pursue next with no ability to narrow down and prioritize. To give some credit where it's due, once our CEO was fired (at the end of June) our CFO jumped in and proclaimed a product to focus upon and we're still chugging forward on it... the problem now is the ridiculously fictitious deadline given our grossly reduced engineering team. Bah.

If the company goes under, obviously I'm out of a job. Not the end of the world but disturbing nonetheless on multiple levels. I really believe in my job; I believe in my work mates and I believe in our ability to push the boundaries of robot-human interaction. Much of my sadness emanates from such potential going unfulfilled due to such crap-ball leadership. Now, there's also the very frightening realization that finding another engineering job in Boise right now would be near-friggin' impossible. Micron is sloughing off engineers daily like unnecessary skin cells, and HP is operating at the fine knife-edge of efficiency after doing the same a couple months ago. I'd have more luck getting a job at Home Depot than in an engineering firm, though even that may be difficult if I don't dumb-down my resume in fear of over-qualification.

Woe is me, right (or... whoa! is me?, woisme). Pshh... I can quit my bitching. I think things are just snowballing and it's always been easier for me to feel suppressed than triumphant. On the positive side of life, um... my beautiful wife and I are really clicking and communicating better than ever (she's still in bed, snoring this very moment as if ascertaining my claims, bless her soul). I've started fabricating steampunk-style contraptions on the side with a group of friends, and I'm about nine classes in to this hot-yoga program down on State Street. Life's really not too bad.

I sure miss my family though. Alaska is a long ways away and the ailing airlines aren't making it cheap to travel lately. My sister made it up here last weekend and we had a blast, but such visits always make the gap apart more difficult. This Thanksgiving we have zero plans; I've joked (more like tested the waters, unsuccessfully) about cooking up a perfect 1/10th scale model dinner for Lauren and I, which I think is hilarious but no one else seems to. What do you think of this: a roasted quail or Cornish game-hen, baked in a shallow bread pan with a variety of teeny side dishes like mini-marshmallows (SwissMiss style) over candied yam(letts), side salad incorporating those little baby corns and breadcrumbs for croutons, a dollop of jelly representing cranberry sauce, and maybe a "spiral-cut" piece of summer-sausage in representation of honey-cooked-ham. Hmm? We could arrange little Lego men around the food and watch their unblinking eyes stare in disbelief of such a feast. No?

The dog is snoring now, in stereo with my beautiful wife, and I'm going to go roll them both over. I feel better, somehow, having whined a bit. Later then.