(tin)Foiled!

The quest for free wireless internet becomes more unattainable daily. Coffee shops and book stores across the nation are joining the financial revolution to charge innocent wi-fi addicts like myself to establish connections.

I’m at Barnes and Noble, having just bid adieu to Lauren and preparing to dig in to a research project I was recently assigned. I am not in summer school, but the NPD Lab that employs me put me in contact with the PEET Shoe Dryer Marketing guru; seems he wants some credible research done to better push their product at the masses. The situation is as follows:

1) Humans have feet, feet get hot, heat promotes sweating and moisture production.

2) Fungus created this planet (according to Darwin), fungi prefer to procreate in warm and moist environments, fungi also prefer the dark.

3) We all wear shoes, shoes get sweaty and moist, we become ONE with bacteria and fungi.

4) Peet’s Shoe Dryers prevent fungus/bacteria/mold growth in today’s modern tennis shoes by rendering the living conditions intolerable for such organisms, by forcing hot, dry air through the shoes’ interior and thereby making the world a better place (Sha la la la).

Common sense, but Mr. Marketeer at Peet’s wants a University to publish a paper saying that all humans need dry shoes. Suddenly Calvin gets no more engineering projects and gets to play scribe for three months (three*3*three). Now, if you’ll permit an interjection of personal opinion, such research belongs in the hands of another department. How about the Biology department? The Chemistry department, or the Kinesiology department? Hell, I think an art major is more qualified than a mechanical engineer.

But, such is life and I should revel in the opportunity to broaden my base of knowledge and earn some cash in the process. Perhaps I will make it on Jeopardy someday and kick ass. “Yes Alex Jr. (Alex will be long gone), I’ll take Tinea Pedis of the Dermatophytoses Class for 2,000.” Yes, fortune and fame.

What else is going on? Calvin must be happy and content if such satire so readily spews from his fingers, yes? Well, mostly yes. A lot has come to pass since my last string of blogs some months ago; and although I will look back and appreciate the situation, I am experiencing a substantial let-down in the cycling-side of my endeavors. The season is a bust, officially “one for the training journal” and not much else. I’ll be filling you in on how that came about, and its implications in my life, in the following blogs. I need to write about to decipher and deal with my feelings, and I might as well keep you informed along the way.

OK, off to study some fungus. Email me if you’d like a final copy of my paper once I complete it… Jokes.